Unironic Moments

I sometimes wish I could say racist things unironically,

perhaps while drunk,

but instead I only play brilliant chess while drunk,

that’s not true,

I have some of the best sex while drunk,

that’s not true,

I write really thought provoking stuff while drunk,

that’s definitely not true,

I meander through my house with a hoarse voice

out of breath

feeling a lot older than I am

trying to remember something thought provoking;

then realizing I haven’t had an original thought since college,

and even that’s questionable,

and I tell myself I need to stop drinking

and I will

after tonight, or maybe next week,

before long I forgot because I sobered up

in bed with a disappointed wife who keeps kicking me and telling me my breath stinks