Fred Aiken Writing

Tag: self-help

The Self-Help You Didn’t Want, But Probably Deserved

Daily writing prompt
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

Let’s take that frown, and turn it upside down, alright? Or at least kick it in the nuts, why don’t we? Fa-fa-fa-fall-full-fool-flat. You see? When you keep on winning as much as I do in life, then certain negative words like ‘failure’ aren’t even in your vocabulary.

So what I’m going to need from you is to, you guessed it, throw all those negative words and feelings right out the window. Just forget ’em. I don’t ever want to hear you say a single one of them ever again. You got that?

Good! Because if I hear a single gosh-darn negative thing uttered from your lips, then I’ll come over there. I’m not one to threaten violence on another one of God’s good creatures, but if you keep up with such a bad attitude then I’m of the opinion that you had it coming.

But look, we don’t need to focus on that. In fact, I insist that we don’t! You’re here–we’re here to discuss how you start winning all day every day. That’s all I want to hear from you. You’re winning because of….

That’s right! Because you’re a winner. That’s all you really need. That’s all that every winner really does. They just declare themselves the winner. They won’t need another person or institution or corporate stooge to tell them their own self-worth. A winner is worth just as much as they need to be, and not a penny less. Though when you’re winning, you won’t even being counting those pennies since they’re so darn inconsequential.

So go on, get out there and start winning. I gave you all the tools you’ll need to become the sort of winner that’s successful ever-ree sing-gall time! I know it’s doesn’t seem like I said all that much, but then again, it doesn’t really take much to succeed in this life. Just so long as you’re willing to take it!

self//less//help

self-help books make me nauseous,
but that might also be because
i don’t know how to help myself,
without tearing things down first,
though it’s not as destructive as it sounds,
since it’s mostly me in a dark room
on my laptop writing mean things to strangers
half-way across the world, or maybe down the street,
i don’t know,
in the glow a neutral blue light burning
my corneas out of their socket

Hi-Ho, The Little Things

Daily writing prompt
What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?

I feel like there is too many to count, but I also tend to be highly critical of myself. In any given day, I never seem to have enough time or energy, or both, to do all the things that I want to get done. Part of the reason is because I’m incredibly ADD, but I’d rather not be on medication because the last time I was on ADD medication it made me super groggy and messed with my head quite a bit.

I’ve mostly been trying to implement little things to rein my ADD, like keeping a calendar and following a consistent schedule. It’s not an overly obsessive schedule, and I do leave room for it to be modified given changing conditions throughout the day. But for the most part, I always reference what I’ve written on my calendar as to what I should probably be doing at any given time.

The problem I usually have is getting sidetracked, or sometimes getting hyperfocused on something that I don’t put it down for hours. That mostly being chess. I play online chess compulsively, and if I could get away with playing it seventeen or more hours a day, then I would. But when I get sucked into playing hours and hours of chess, I never accomplish anything, or at least I don’t feel as if I accomplished anything. Plus, I start to slightly hallucinate chess moves that I should have made in x, y, or z game.

I think the general perception is that ADD means you are always distracted, and for the most part that’s true of me. But, as I said, I can definitely get hyperfocused on one particular thing for long stretches of time, and I find it incredibly difficult to pull myself away from whatever it is I’m doing at the time. Hence, why I feel the need to break my day down into little segments that I put in a Google calendar that sends me push notifications to let me know what I should be doing at any given time.

The problem I face is when I become too critical of myself when I don’t do all the things and tasks that I want to do in a given day. It then feels like the entire day is ruined, and the rest of the night my mood is shot. I feel defeated. What I should probably do is setup my calendar where I focus on only one or two things each day and only tackle those things. Though it’s usually never that simple, really. Most of the tasks I want to accomplish revolve around something creative I do outside of work, like writing, painting, sewing, or they’re something I try to do to improve upon myself, like reading a book, learning a new language, or taking free online classes on topics I don’t know that much about. Some of those things just depend on what I feel inspired to do that day, and rarely is it dependent on what I put on my calendar.

So, I suppose the main improvement I can make is trying not to be too critical of what I don’t do, and more so focus on the things that I have done any given day.

Also, now that I’m older, I need to make improvement on my health. I know I’ve let myself go. I was never a gym rat, so I never built any habits of working out or staying active. Instead, when I was younger, I used to walk everywhere. I’d probably estimate that I was walking 6-10 miles per day, whereas now I barely walk 3 miles per day. I live a pretty sedentary lifestyle. And my doctor has told me so. They’re telling me that I’m right at the precipice of being overweight for my height, which a pretty big bummer.

The doctor gave me a list of simple recommendations that seem easy enough to follow. But I’ve had trouble keeping to eating smaller portions and being even slightly more active. This is probably one of those more major improvements that I need to make, but I suppose the first thing would be making small steps to improving my overall health. Maybe walking a little bit. Definitely eating less processed foods and more fruits and vegetables. I guess it’s mostly trying to make vegetables taste better. I tend to not really like the taste of raw, plain veggies. Fruits I could eat all night and day, but they obviously have naturally occuring sugar in them, so I doubt it’s super healthy to just focus on fruits and not integrate veggies into my diet.

Granted, it’s always super easy to diagnose a problem in your life. But taking the small steps to improve and better yourself is incredibly boring, much like brushing your teeth and taking a shower. Small improvements are a form of maintenance that you tend to not see the payoff until much later, if at all. Though perhaps not seeing any drastic change in one’s life is an indicator that the small improvements are working.