Fred Aiken Writing

Back in my day, well, I’ll tell you. Back when I was younger, things were a helluva lot cheaper than they are now. Everything’s gotten so damn expensive! But back in my day, I never paid a cent. No one finger-lickin’ cent for any goshdarn thing! 

Some might call it stealin’, but I say it just made good ole economic sense, if you know what I mean. Not like today. No siree. Nowadays you got all these goobernicks and fidangles and whatchahulahoopin callits. I don’t know. I certainly couldn’t say what the hell it is the youngin’s these days are all hoopla’in about. But people are payin’ whole gobs of moola for these things—always just things!—that make no goshdarn single iota of any good ole sense I was raised with.

I try to tell ‘em. I sit my grandkids down nearly once a week, and I lecture ‘em good, you see. I tell ‘em, nothing’s worth having if you can’t steal it! But their parents don’t want me tellin’ ‘em my life lessons. They think I’m corrupting their children. But I’m only givin’ ‘em the truth. The only truth I know!

But anyway, I guess I’m ramblin’, and I don’t mean to do that. I know I certainly don’t have the time, not with my age. No siree! But if you’d be so kind, dearie, and just hand over whatever’s ya got in your pocket, then I’ll be gettin’ outta your hair. I didn’t mean for this here stick-em-up to become a lecture. I tell myself not to go on any sorts of rants while I’m stealin’. But, you see, that’s easier said than done, since there’s so much gosh darn wrong with society nowadays. 

Nothing like it was back in my day. Not a bit.