coughing up a lung after feeding another addiction
waiting for the other shoe to drop,
become stylized on blank paper with ball point
tipped at the edge in incongruous patterns
feeling for a tug,
a grasp, to hold onto what’s left of remnants
billowing out to a grand expanse,
contract,
expanding contracting differences making up a majority of what’s left
on the table
set for two,
both of whom forgot to pay the meter
sitting out in the car in the hot summer
waiting for my lunch to end,
eating grapes while I play chess on my phone
against someone else in some Eastern European country
waiting for a blunder on either side
so I can resign
open the door,
and remove my sweaty body from its sauna
so that I can go into the office
where there’s air conditioning,
people,
work,
rinse,
repeat,
recycled cells moving more than sixty-two squares
from one move to the next,
as I, the pawn,
flesh out what every other piece that I don’t recognize
is trying to do around me,
already contemplating going back to my car
to live in
and play more chess
given a second wind
I might learn how to fly,
or perhaps how to cook properly so I didn’t end up so fat on processed foods,
I would appreciate my wife rather than playing hours of chess,
I might learn a different language rather than assume everyone speaks English,
I would go back and get my masters, and possibly PhD,
rather than assume academic life was not for me
and spend countless years making people coffee,
I’d stop procrastinating on yet another poem,
yet another book,
because I got too caught up thinking it needed to be the next greatest thing,
I’d learn how to get over my social anxiety and various personality disorders
that prevent me from getting to know anyone,
including myself,
I’d brush my teeth more often,
stop sneaking snickers when my wife wasn’t looking,
and maybe even stop watching so much reality television,
but because there’s no second wind,
and I’m tired out,
I guess I’ll wriggle out of self-improvement
with another dumb riddle
rather than look for another handout
Fred Aiken Writing 