Fred Aiken Writing

the line to kfc is too long

but i’ve committed too much time and energy into waiting

that i don’t think i could leave the line

since i’m determined to get greasy subpar fastfood chicken,

and also because i have a coupon,

so please don’t judge,

or do, i don’t care,

just please don’t voice your opinions out loud, instead put them in a tweet

for all your twitter followers to care about

mayonnaise is on sale again this week

but i already have 5 backups in my pantry that i haven’t touched yet,

though it’s hard for me to pass up a good mayo sale,

so hopefully my wife will understand when i come home

with another jar

instead of going to her parents until i get my issues sorted out

in my dream,

the police officer keeps asking about my papers,

and i’m thinking that he’s talking about documents that prove that i am who i say i am,

like ssn and driver’s license and deed to my house or something,

but instead i find out the officer,

who looks like a matrix character,

is talking about documents that somehow prove i know how to brew coffee,

and then somehow that segues to me in front of the world aeropress championship,

naked,

alone,

realizing that i have never brewed coffee in an aeropress before,

so i lose

and then i’m arrested,

and then i rot in jail for the rest of my dream life,

and then i wake up