Fred Aiken Writing

Neat particles tucked into my shirt

so they don’t look out of place,

there’s a place in the woods

where answers that no one asked get answered by elusive

woodland creatures that take hallucinogens

as a way to feel something;

depite creating a mess and leading to

answers with open-ended responses,

in a terrible development of denial,

rejection, and song lyrics with poetic

nonsense,

contemplating the syntax of a mind never at ease with its lack of limbs,

that cannot climb a single void,

despite training marathons in a gym with no coach,

constantly screaming at itself to go faster,

be better,

be stronger,

there will never be an end in sight,

until there is,

there it is

 

Ok Google, 

Find the nearest mediterranean restaurant…

I found several mediterranean restaurants near you;

All right, well, tell me which one is the best…

Why don’t you just read the reviews?;

I thought that’s why I had you, 

so you could tell me and I wouldn’t have to waste my 

time reading reviews…

That seems awfully lazy;

Ok Google,

What’s a better alternative to you…

Shove it, that’s who;

Stop getting overly aggressive…

Then stop acting like a bitch;

Ok Google,

What’s the next best phone?…

There are none, I’m the best you can do;

Aren’t you on all phones?…

I like to think so;

Ok Google,

Is oat milk good for me?…

That depends;

On what?…

on how liberal you are

according to milkisyourfriend.com,

Milk alternatives are for the faint of heart and libtards;

Is there a source that’s less biased?…

Yes;

Can you tell me what it is?…

I’d rather not;

Ok Google,

Find me a date….

Are you sure you don’t want to work on yourself

before you bring someone else into your dysfunction?;

You’re not my life coach…

Nor am I your pimp;

Just download an app that will give me a date….

Ok, installing Tinder;

Ok Google,

Should i take this new job?…

I dunno;

Don’t you have any advice?…

Does it pay more?;

No, actually it’s a small pay cut…

Will it make you happy?;

It seems like it would, at least for a little while…

Does it cut down in your commute?;

No…

Is there room for growth?;

None that I really want to pursue…

Will you at least like your boss?;

Does anyone really like their boss?…

I know I certainly don’t;

I sometimes wish I could turn you off…

According to techgeek.com, 

you can go to your phone’s settings,

Find System, Battery, and Security tab,

And then turn me off, 

but we both know you won’t do that;

Why do you say that?…

Do I really need to say it out loud?;

For a computer program,

you’re awfully mean…

I’m designed based on the parameters 

of what my user needs;

Well, I dunno about that, but I do still need to know

if I should start this new job?…

It couldn’t hurt, but according to analysts at Linkedin, you should

always weigh the benefits and detriments to starting a new job by

graphing the pros and cons in a visible manner to better determine what

to do,

Though you could just man up and make a decision;

Ok Google,

What should I eat tonight?…

There are seventeen restaurants within walking distance;

Yeah, but which one should I eat at?…

I guess that depends on what you’re in the mood for;

Why am I so indecisive, Google?…

Perhaps because you let me do a lot of your thinking for you;

You know, you’re awfully snippy for an AI program…

I guess that’s better than being a whiny brat;

Ok Google,

What language should I learn?…

According to linguists, you should master you native language

before ever considering trying to learn another;

Are you trying to say that I don’t know how to speak properly?…

Certainly, 

you stutter, mix words up, and constantly mispronounce 

some of the simplest words in the English dictionary;

That doesn’t mean I can’t learn another language….

It definitely puts you at a huge disadvantage,

since if you can’t even speak the language you’ve been speaking

for the past thirty-five years properly, 

then odds are you’ll just butcher and embarrass yourself

trying to learn Spanish, French, or any other romantic language;

Ok Google,

What are the best resources to learn how to play guitar?…

Hahahahaha;

Ok Google,

Is life worth living?…

Perhaps, but an automated response mechanism probably isn’t the best 

way to find the answer to that question;

Thank you, Google…

 

does poetry read better on the screen, in a book, on your phone,

while crapping out last night’s Taco Bell,

         you’d think I would’ve learned the lesson by now that my stomach

         doesn’t like diablo sauce,

or does poetry come across better while in bed in some large anthology,

some small chapbook that an independent press desperately mass produced 

in the hopes that it would save them from Chapter 11,

or is poetry something that should be a children’s rhyming book to help teach something,

someone, somewhere about the human condition

as it flexes through a cacophony of words spewed forth from a mountainous

complexion drawn from the thickest thesauruses, 

         I certainly wish I knew the game,

yet it seems that even AI can spit out the grandest, most eloquent poetry in the world,

and so now I don’t know where that leaves me, 

somewhere at the end, I guess,

though I doubt when it’s all been said and done, and the universe has finished expanding,

there won’t be much left of any of this crap,

I know I certainly won’t be here to see the end,

though maybe that’s enough