Portrait of a Hermit in Quarantine
by Fred Aiken
The great illness to wipe out humanity came from the land of dragons. It would be the plague that destroyed the fabric of everything. All at once.
But it ended up being a shittier version of the flu. It was bad. The virus did some real damage. Though if one were to ask Daniel, nothing about his life changed.
Granted, Daniel’s life looked like an unintended quarantine prior to the governments’ orders telling everyone to STAY INSIDE!! We have this all Under control. Don’t look too closely. You see, Daniel has and, more than likely, will always be a hermit. He hasn’t left his house in nearly 15 years. So, when asked how the Great Covid-19 Plague affected his life, Daniel shrugs (not valiantly) and responds, ‘Not much.’
But that’s only because Daniel’s far too modest, or perhaps not all too self-aware. There are certainly ways Daniel’s life has changed since the pandemic. Whether he’ll admit them or not, well, that hardly matters.
For one, the cost of food and shelter has more than doubled. Daniel ran an online used sneaker store to etch out a living, but since the surge in prices for everything has gone up, he’s had to take on extra work. Side gigs, so to speak. Some remote editing jobs to dust off his once-thought-useless english degree. Some marketing consulting here and there for up-and-coming digital entrepreneurs. But what’s really pays all the bills has been the food pics Daniel takes and posts online. People seem to really love his feet.
Also, the conspiracy theories have become more interesting and engaging to Daniel. Prior to the pandemic, Daniel had to deal with reading through countless forums about pedophiliac pizza parties, or some such nonsense. But with algorithmic targeting, the advances in conspiracy narratives have exploded. Literally. His favorites to look into have been about flat-earth and how ai already took over and replaced people with robotic replacements that have been programmed to think they’re humans but really aren’t. The reasoning as to why ai would do such a thing is a bit murky and does tend to change from week to the next, but the idea that all of earth’s human population is some robotic ai sort of cyborg thrills Daniel to no end.
Daniel has also gotten really into crypto-currencies, and his crypto wallet is filled with a diversified portfolio of coins that, while he doesn’t know what their use is, he is convinced they will make him rich. They are the money of the future! And each morning, Daniels checks his crypto wallet and imagines what his life will look like when he’s a billionaire and can afford anything. Though most of those things would need to be enjoyed within the confines of his home because, no matter how much money Daniel did or did not have, he never intends to leave his home ever again. Especially with all the ai robots out there doing whatever the hell it was they were doing.
But otherwise, not much has changed for Daniel. He still lives, breathes, eats, and sleeps indoors, and there’s not a damn virus in the whole world that will change that!
Fred Aiken Writing 