Ok Google

 

Ok Google, 

Find the nearest mediterranean restaurant…

I found several mediterranean restaurants near you;

All right, well, tell me which one is the best…

Why don’t you just read the reviews?;

I thought that’s why I had you, 

so you could tell me and I wouldn’t have to waste my 

time reading reviews…

That seems awfully lazy;

Ok Google,

What’s a better alternative to you…

Shove it, that’s who;

Stop getting overly aggressive…

Then stop acting like a bitch;

Ok Google,

What’s the next best phone?…

There are none, I’m the best you can do;

Aren’t you on all phones?…

I like to think so;

Ok Google,

Is oat milk good for me?…

That depends;

On what?…

on how liberal you are

according to milkisyourfriend.com,

Milk alternatives are for the faint of heart and libtards;

Is there a source that’s less biased?…

Yes;

Can you tell me what it is?…

I’d rather not;

Ok Google,

Find me a date….

Are you sure you don’t want to work on yourself

before you bring someone else into your dysfunction?;

You’re not my life coach…

Nor am I your pimp;

Just download an app that will give me a date….

Ok, installing Tinder;

Ok Google,

Should i take this new job?…

I dunno;

Don’t you have any advice?…

Does it pay more?;

No, actually it’s a small pay cut…

Will it make you happy?;

It seems like it would, at least for a little while…

Does it cut down in your commute?;

No…

Is there room for growth?;

None that I really want to pursue…

Will you at least like your boss?;

Does anyone really like their boss?…

I know I certainly don’t;

I sometimes wish I could turn you off…

According to techgeek.com, 

you can go to your phone’s settings,

Find System, Battery, and Security tab,

And then turn me off, 

but we both know you won’t do that;

Why do you say that?…

Do I really need to say it out loud?;

For a computer program,

you’re awfully mean…

I’m designed based on the parameters 

of what my user needs;

Well, I dunno about that, but I do still need to know

if I should start this new job?…

It couldn’t hurt, but according to analysts at Linkedin, you should

always weigh the benefits and detriments to starting a new job by

graphing the pros and cons in a visible manner to better determine what

to do,

Though you could just man up and make a decision;

Ok Google,

What should I eat tonight?…

There are seventeen restaurants within walking distance;

Yeah, but which one should I eat at?…

I guess that depends on what you’re in the mood for;

Why am I so indecisive, Google?…

Perhaps because you let me do a lot of your thinking for you;

You know, you’re awfully snippy for an AI program…

I guess that’s better than being a whiny brat;

Ok Google,

What language should I learn?…

According to linguists, you should master you native language

before ever considering trying to learn another;

Are you trying to say that I don’t know how to speak properly?…

Certainly, 

you stutter, mix words up, and constantly mispronounce 

some of the simplest words in the English dictionary;

That doesn’t mean I can’t learn another language….

It definitely puts you at a huge disadvantage,

since if you can’t even speak the language you’ve been speaking

for the past thirty-five years properly, 

then odds are you’ll just butcher and embarrass yourself

trying to learn Spanish, French, or any other romantic language;

Ok Google,

What are the best resources to learn how to play guitar?…

Hahahahaha;

Ok Google,

Is life worth living?…

Perhaps, but an automated response mechanism probably isn’t the best 

way to find the answer to that question;

Thank you, Google…